Ag Secretary Brooke Rollins: What Her Real Agenda Is

So, another day, another government press release delivered via social media. This time, it’s Ag Secretary Brooke Rollins letting us know about Another New World Screwworm Detection In Mexico.

The announcement, dropped on X (because that’s where we handle potential biosecurity crises now, I guess), was a masterclass in bureaucratic doublespeak. Rollins assured us they "believe this to be an isolated incident" and that it's "100 miles further south" than the last one.

I don't know about you, but when a government official uses the word "believe" in the same sentence as "flesh-eating parasite," my confidence doesn't exactly soar. It's like a pilot coming over the intercom and saying, "Folks, we believe the wings are still attached to the plane." Thanks for the reassurance.

The Five-Point Plan to Nowhere

Let's deconstruct the official statement, shall we? It's a goldmine.

"We will have boots on the ground within hours to independently verify the situation," Rollins says. "Boots on the ground." You hear that? It's the sound of a carefully-worded phrase focus-grouped to make you think of military precision, not a bunch of USDA vets setting fly traps. It’s security theater. They’re trying to sound tough and in-control when they’re talking about a maggot. What’s next, a drone strike on a fly?

Then comes the real kicker: "USDA is fully executing our 5-point plan to keep NWS out of the United States."

A five-point plan. Beautiful. It’s so clean, so corporate. It sounds like something you’d unveil at a quarterly sales meeting, not a strategy for stopping a biological horror show. But have you noticed they never, ever actually tell you what the five points are? It’s a rhetorical black box. The government PR machine is like a cheap magic trick; it waves around a "five-point plan" to distract you while the actual problem—a fly that lays eggs in open wounds and whose larvae eat living flesh—is buzzing just over the horizon. It’s offcourse a top priority, they say. But is the priority stopping the bug or managing the public's perception of the bug?

I’ve got a question for the Secretary: Can we see the plan? Is it written on a cocktail napkin somewhere? Or is "Point 1: Announce a five-point plan" the entire strategy? Because from where I'm sitting, it sure looks that way.

Politics First, Parasites Second

If you had any doubt about what this was really about, Rollins clears it up in her very next breath.

"Despite the Democrat Shutdown, the intrepid men and women at the USDA continue to work around the clock..."

And there it is. The pivot. We went from a potential agricultural disaster to a cheap political jab in the span of a single sentence. This ain't about public safety anymore; it’s about scoring points. It's about making sure everyone knows that if these screwworms do make it across the border, it’s the other team’s fault. The most important part of the crisis management playbook is apparently to pre-emptively assign blame.

This is the rot at the core of everything now. A genuine threat emerges, something that could decimate livestock and threaten the food supply, and the first instinct isn't to unify and inform, but to divide and conquer. They're releasing sterile flies and political talking points at the same time, and honestly... it’s hard to tell which one is more toxic.

This whole thing is a joke. No, 'joke' doesn't cover it—it's a terrifying preview of how every crisis will be handled from now on. The actual problem becomes secondary to the narrative. The facts become props in a political drama. Who cares if the cattle are safe as long as our side looks good on Twitter?

Then again, maybe I'm the crazy one here. Maybe this is peak government efficiency, a seamless blend of biosecurity and partisan messaging. Maybe I'm just not enlightened enough to appreciate the genius of fighting a parasite with a press release.

The Real Infestation Is in D.C.

Look, the New World Screwworm is a nasty piece of work. It’s a legitimate threat. The USDA's plan of surveillance, trapping, and sterile fly release is a proven scientific method for containing it. But we, the public, are not being treated like adults who can handle the scientific reality. Instead, we’re being treated like an audience for a poorly-written political play. We're fed buzzwords like "national security" and "boots on the ground" to make us feel a sense of urgency, and then that urgency is immediately weaponized for a partisan cheap shot. It’s exhausting. And it’s deeply, deeply stupid. The men and women at the USDA are probably doing their jobs just fine, but the leadership seems more concerned with winning the news cycle than winning the war against a maggot.